Have you ever watched people eat? Some are dainty with their food, being careful not spill anything. These people use napkins and throw their trash away all by themselves. They are conscientious of your furniture and appreciative that you have opened your home to them so that you can both enjoy each others’ company. Usually this person is Type A and very clean, neat and organized. Maybe you call this person your mother, your best friend or your favorite party blogger.
Then there’s the other 90% of the population who are just goddamn slobs. You know who they are. These people spill beer on your carpeting, knock the taco dip over sending all 7 layers spraying across your walls and are not cognizant enough to realize they have a gob of marinara sauce on the back of their hand as they smear it across your beige sofa. They are also the best people to have at any party. They are loud, obnoxious and funny as shit. You should consider yourself lucky to have them as friends. They may not be fastidious, but they sure know how to have a good time. Thankfully, this is America and there are great cleaning products readily available at any Target or Wal-Mart to restore your home to its’ pristine, pre-party condition.
So how does this affect your Super Bowl party? Well, since mishaps are inevitable there are some things you can do to prevent clean-up from being a nightmare. I know, I know, you’re thinking, “WTF?!? Why on earth is she writing about cleaning up BEFORE the party has even started?”. Stay with me. There’s a method to my madness.
Do you remember that scene from Sixteen Candles where Jake Ryan is surveying the damage that insensitive bitch, Carolyn, unleashed on his parent’s house by inviting the entire high school to a party? This one (thanks AnyClip!)…
Did you see all the pretzels and cans covering the glass coffee table?? Ugghh. You do not want to have to clean this shit up.
Planning a party is fun. The anticipation of entertaining gives you something to focus on, especially during the winter when there isn’t a whole lot to do otherwise. Having a party and spending time with your friends while watching the Super Bowl is a blast! People are laughing and having a great time and building memories for lasting friendships. Cleaning up after a party fucking blows. You’re tired and grumbling and your buzz has worn off. You just want to go to bed, but you have to get the trash out. So if you’re not 17 and actually care about the belongings you’ve worked so hard to acquire, here’s a few pre-party pointers to keep you sane when cleaning up after your guests have left:
- Be organized. Have a few appetizers or chips and dip in the room where you will be watching the game. The rest of the food can be set up in the dining room or kitchen or some other central location. That way when you finally clean everything up at 1 a.m. it will all be in one place and you won’t be running breathlessly from room to room gathering dishes.
- Use bowls. Don’t just throw a bag of chips on the coffee table. Not only is it gauche it is also a breeding ground for crumbs. Crumbs mean bugs. Bugs mean getting the heebie-jeebies which leads to A LOT of extra cleaning on your part. Or even worse, exterminator fees. Your life will be so much easier if you just put the food in a damn container. HomeGoods always has cute stuff for cheap. It’s actually where I’ve gotten most of my dishes for entertaining. Like these:
- My bomb ass serving dishes
- Trash cans are your friends. Find every trash receptacle in your house and put a big black trash bag in it. Then place them in highly visible areas near the food – in the room with the TV, in the dining room and kitchen and near the keg on the deck too. Here’s why – Disneyland. When Walt Disney opened Disneyland people trashed the place on the first day. Why? Because people are pigs. They wouldn’t walk to find a trashcan to throw their garbage away and just ended up pitching it on the ground. So what did Uncle Walt do? He had park employees hand out candy at the entrance and then watched the patrons for patterns. He found that people would throw the candy wrappers on the ground after about 15 or 20 feet. This is why there are trash cans every 20 feet in Disney World. Implementing this strategy at your party will help you avoid cleaning up 50,000 of those red solo cups after the Lombardi trophy has been handed out.
So if you don’t want to look like this once your guests have left
organize yourself and your house a little before your guests arrive.
Wasn’t Jake Ryan just the dreamiest?
RIP John Hughes.