My BFF, Heather, came over for a visit the other night. She needed to borrow some entertaining pieces (beverage dispenser, cupcake stand, cheese plates) for a wedding shower brunch she hosted this weekend.
Luckily for Heather, her BFF (i.e., me) is a sucker for all things ‘party’.
So while rummaging through my necessary and highly fabulous celebratory accoutrements, we discussed menu items, game options and the hilarity of tacky party favors. But the topic turned a little more serious when she said to me, “I don’t even know… Is any of this is ‘appropriate’ anymore. What’s the etiquette nowadays anyway?”. For you see, this was a shower for a second wedding.
We kinda shrugged it off and went on our merry way pondering whether Mimosas or punch would be preferred (as if it was much of a contest – Mimosas won, hands down). But after she left I wondered if there is a shower/wedding formula to follow for a couple lucky enough to find love after going through a divorce. I turned to Lord Google for the answer.
Naturally, advice guru Emily Post had thoughts on the issue. Someone posed (more like whined) the question of whether she “had to give a gift a second time because I already did at the first wedding”. The question had an insinuating tone that the couple was simply greedy and wanted their friends to finance their lifestyle. I immediately thought:
Emily Post replied, “No you do not” and basically chastised people for having a second wedding, particularly with a shower. My reaction to this was:
How heartless; How sad.
Why is this topic even debated? In the end, does “etiquette” really matter? Are you going to lay on your death-bed thinking back to how so-and-so had a second wedding and you had to buy them a gift? Or are you going to treasure the relationships you’ve had and be thankful that you weren’t such an asshole that people actually wanted to have you in their lives?
Sure, budgeting is a part of life and, like Donna Summer, we all work hard for our money. But for me, I could give two shits about buying her and her fiance a gift. And I won’t give two shits when I buy them a wedding present either. I adore the bride and consider myself lucky that she thinks enough of me to want me to be there when she walks down the aisle. Again.
P.S. – The shower was wonderful and I’m so proud of Heather for making it special for the bride!